beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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