i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
