Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
