She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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