She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
