She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
