And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Terrible idea I love it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
