it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize