apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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