don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Panties = found
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