Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
