you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
