**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
