I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
