Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
