Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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