We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
