I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
