He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
