Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
