If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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