Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
