This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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