well I can't set my house on fire every night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
