I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize