I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
