Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
