Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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