1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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