Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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