You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
