We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
