It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
