I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
