I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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