we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
