dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
