Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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