First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
