What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
