Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
