Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
