heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize