oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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