apparently the secret to your success is patron
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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