The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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