if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
