She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
