I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
