Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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