Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
