if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize