It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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