he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Panties = found
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