that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
