I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
