I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
