She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
