For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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