He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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