I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
