I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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