So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
