I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize