Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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