Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
